haven't posted since the 31st of october... a lot has happened since.

i've moved on already. i've gotten past the point where i "thought" and now, i just know. words have been said, things have been done and no matter how much "effort" we both try to put into it, it will never amount to anything like before. sad truth, but true nonetheless. that's what happens when you open pandora's box; disaster.

but it seems this blog has been turned into a dumping ground of hurt...

if i may quote a good friend, "mahirap hindi mahulog sa isang taong nagbibigay ng attention sa'yo... someone who gives affection, who reciprocates an emotion you hold so dear." i guess it's happened again.

but it hasn't lasted ages. it's a spur-of-the-moment type of thing - though not really a "fleeting" thing.

it's not always true that "all good men are either taken or gay"... because it holds the same for women as well.

it's just that, falling for someone i thought i would finally be able to keep up with, turns out to be someone who doesn't want me because of "other things." i really envy the person you're in-love with. really.

when i read the excerpt you made me see, honestly, i felt it. it was all there. like a water balloon sitting over a pin - yet not popping. the tension, the emotion was all there, raw and unedited. everything felt so real that i felt ashamed to even question your emotion. i'm envious - not jealous, because i know you're "happy" with it. and as i've told you, my freight train of ideas will still be here; chugging, pulling and carrying its cargo. and if it continues on its tracks, or topples on the side, or hits another train, hopefully, it still stays intact.

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Freight Train

you are the drug that can't be bought
you leave me high
but you leave me still;

i am a freight train of ideas,
running through the barricades;
rushing from point to point.

i am a freight train of ideals,
raising the flag of hope;
erasing the cloud of doubt

but still i only run on coal
i run on coal, i run on coal

you are the pain that can be sought,
i always find you
to get hurt;
but still i'd rather find you...