It's actually becoming a habit of mine to post in this blog, just to let out thoughts.

Recently, that's all i've been doing. Especially now.

This past week had been quite an experience. a whole blender of emotions ran through my head like a raving axe-wielding maniac, wreaking havoc. On the most part of it, mr.maniac hit home; and on those untouched parts, i try to rebuild. Chapters seem to open and close faster at this age; i'm not really sure if it's a good or bad thing. Somehow, it just feels... shot. I guess i don't have a better word for it. It's the feeling when you see a person get shot, point-blank in front of you - at the same time, you're that person but and you're trying to convince yourself you're not and you watch yourself wrench and fall. Amazingly, it doesn't really bother me that much anymore. at least not as much as i'd expect it to be.

this week has been very slow, unlike last week. nothing's been happening and i'm starting to get bothered. i really don't know why but for some reason, i just want to busy myself and preoccupy my mind. that's at least what i want to think. unfortunately, my body says something else. oh well. i gotta find my balance real soon.

On a lighter note, after this weekend, it's the Christ-birth season again. I just can't seem to associate "Christmas" with the birth of Christ anymore, what with all the materialism in the air. As early as september, malls have been started to play their subconscious "buy-me-something-new" carols. And as the months pass, i feel the season trying to catch up with me, turning me into a golem of giving; a gift-cow trying to produce the best "gift(s)" for friends and family under the constant pulling of my udders.

Such is life i would guess. to escape criticism, one tries his best to give; and when expectations are not met, unfortunately, the gift - and its giver - is not appreciated. that's mostly the case: you give because you have to, no longer because you want to. gifts are equated to the amount of cash you're supposedly raking in.

if you're working, you're expected to give something worthy. Self-made gifts or crafts are no longer acceptable unfortunately.

This hasn't been light after all has it? hopefully, my whole train of thought improves in time. hopefully.