9:44 AM 10/21/2007

i'm feeling better now, at least even for a little bit. have no idea what's been going on these past few days, and i don't know what to expect from myself or from her. "I can't believe i'm doing this over ym - " how impersonal can something get? how absurdly improper.

i thought about the blog entry. the positive thinker in me thinks, "maybe this isn't meant for me... maybe it's aimed at another person..." I won't even go to what the pessimist in me thinks.

but even then, i still can't help thinking that if it were meant for me, that entry would be a little mean - cruel even. if it was aimed to hurt, then it achieved its goal excellently. but why go to such lengths if a regular, "no" or even "i'm sorry, but i just don't like you" sufficed? why broadcast with all its seeming anonimity, that she hates/does not like a certain someone - although not really her own words but ones borrowed from songs, filtered and tailor-cut to fit the need.

talking is overrated, i'd assume. when you talk, more words equal more mistakes.

whoever told me to act like adults and just tell her? i'm still hoping for the best, but nonetheless, have prepared for the worst (as i've always been the boyscout). I've been through worse cases. And it's not like i'm going to die tomorrow.

I'm just praying for this be over soon enough.